2011 was not a good year for me. Here is a list of life changing things that happened to me this year. Only two are good. The rest are reasons why I'm really REALLY glad it's 2012.
1. My grandmother died. Although it was surely a good thing for her, (her quality of life was nonexistent) we all miss her so much.
2. My great Aunt Flossie died four weeks to the day after Grandmother. Unlike Grandmother's, her death was somewhat unexpected. Her absence is felt deeply.
3. I got pregnant just one month after my husband and I agreed to "let nature take it's course." I was elated. He was freaked out.
4. My all time in the history of my career forever favorite patient died. I miss him every week when he should be here getting his meds and giving me grandfatherly advice.
5. I found out I miscarried when I was 12weeks along. The baby stopped growing around 8 weeks and it took my body four weeks to recognize the problem.
6. Another sweet and lovely long time patient died.
7. My doctor took my word for it when I told him I thought I had passed all remnants of my miscarriage. He did not follow up in any way besides telling me to have blood work done in "about 6 weeks). 8 weeks later I found out that doctor is a dumb ass and basically all remnants were still in my uterus and it was a miracle that I hadn't gotten a serious infection. I had a D&C two days later. (performed by a different doctor. The original doctor is lucky I'm not a woman of means, or I may have sued his ass for negligence)
8. Surprisingly to me, we got pregnant again. I'm surprised because my body was disrupted for so long. Part of me thought it would take a while for it to function normally. Apparently I was wrong. My first doctor's appointment is Friday. My labs indicate I'm around 6weeks along. I'm terrified that I will have a repeat of last time. I'm trying desperately to not get my hopes up. High hopes make for hard falls. I pray nightly that God's will is in line with my hopes and desires. I know I'm strong enough to deal with another miscarriage, but I also know I will not handle it so gracefully a second time.
So, aside from my new pregnancy, 2011 sucked royally. Don't get me wrong. I know I am infinitely blessed. I'm just so tired of being sad. I'm ready for all the blessings 2012 has in store for us.
